Goldilocks and the two parties
Once upon a time there was a girl named Goldilocks.
On one November Tuesday, she came upon two big bed-and-breakfasts, and she was ever so sleepy!
One B&B was run by an elephant, who told Goldilocks: "We offer the finest beds in town! They're heated to 500 degrees, and they're outfitted with hundreds of upward-pointing spikes—each as sharp as the bayonets our boys and girls overseas use to protect our freedoms!"
Before she could respond, the other big bed-and-breakfast owner trotted up to her.
"Our beds are heated to a comfortable 450 degrees," said the donkey, "so your books won't burn, and our beds are affixed with mere dozens of upward-pointing spikes—and each is hand-sharpened by a charming artisan with a heartwarming backstory!"
"Wow," said Goldilocks, "neither one sounds very good!"
"You can't be serious!" pronounced the elephant.
"No other bed-and-breakfast in town is viable!" jeered the donkey.
Goldilocks started back along the road, looking for more-suitable lodgings.
Before she was out of earshot, the animals suggested some accommodations they might make to their accommodations.
"What if we did 490 degrees?" offered the elephant.
"Heck, we'd even do 495 degrees!" blurted the donkey.
Goldilocks turned to the donkey and said, "That's even worse than your original offer!"
"Don't you understand the spirit of compromise?" asked the donkey, his feelings plainly hurt, as the girl continued to walk away, soon disappearing from view.
In no time, the donkey cheered up, joining the elephant and the pundits—and pretty much everyone else in town—in a great big laugh about the most foolish girl they'd ever met.
On one November Tuesday, she came upon two big bed-and-breakfasts, and she was ever so sleepy!
One B&B was run by an elephant, who told Goldilocks: "We offer the finest beds in town! They're heated to 500 degrees, and they're outfitted with hundreds of upward-pointing spikes—each as sharp as the bayonets our boys and girls overseas use to protect our freedoms!"
Before she could respond, the other big bed-and-breakfast owner trotted up to her.
"Our beds are heated to a comfortable 450 degrees," said the donkey, "so your books won't burn, and our beds are affixed with mere dozens of upward-pointing spikes—and each is hand-sharpened by a charming artisan with a heartwarming backstory!"
"Wow," said Goldilocks, "neither one sounds very good!"
"You can't be serious!" pronounced the elephant.
"No other bed-and-breakfast in town is viable!" jeered the donkey.
Goldilocks started back along the road, looking for more-suitable lodgings.
Before she was out of earshot, the animals suggested some accommodations they might make to their accommodations.
"What if we did 490 degrees?" offered the elephant.
"Heck, we'd even do 495 degrees!" blurted the donkey.
Goldilocks turned to the donkey and said, "That's even worse than your original offer!"
"Don't you understand the spirit of compromise?" asked the donkey, his feelings plainly hurt, as the girl continued to walk away, soon disappearing from view.
In no time, the donkey cheered up, joining the elephant and the pundits—and pretty much everyone else in town—in a great big laugh about the most foolish girl they'd ever met.
posted by Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy at 10:11 PM
4 Comments:
Brilliant!
:D
Sounds exactly right.
VL, this is a fantastic critique of lesser-evilism and the "choice" we have in our elections. I'm going to share this and see what kind of discussions it can stir up. Cheers.
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